Pedro: The Mets Just Aren't That Into You

Pedro Martinez is making headlines with overtures to his old ball club. "If they want a fifth starter, I've been there," Martinez said. "I don't know how much they want me, but I'm available... But I have my goals and I have my things that I want to achieve in life. If it's not with the Mets, it will be with someone else."

It's a little sad to see a future Hall-of-Famer so desperate to get back together with a team that clearly shows no interest. Here are a few signs that the Mets aren't that into you, Pedro (adapted from "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt):

1. If He Isn't Calling You - If the Mets wanted you, they have your agent's number. They haven't lost it.

2. If He's Breaking Up with You - "Pedro is a Hall of Fame pitcher and one of the greatest pitchers of our time, but I feel very confident in the people we have in camp that can get the job done," manager Jerry Manuel told the Post on Monday. Sounds like a break-up line if I ever heard one. "It's not you, baby, it's me." R-i-i-i-ght.

3. If He's Having Sex with Someone Else - This is more figurative than literal. Johan Santana is the Big Man on Campus. Santana won 16 games last year--only one game less than your total number of wins in the last three seasons.

4. If He's Disappeared on You - The Mets left Shea Stadium, and didn't leave you a forwarding address?