The Brian Roberts Trade Poem

"Brian Roberts" by Andrew Shaffer
We like it when you play tough to get.
We've already put Jose Ceda, Sean Gallagher, and Donald Veal on the block for you.
Yes, those are the Cubs' three top pitching prospects.
I know, that doesn't seem like enough, does it? Did I mention Ronny Cedeno?
Oh, I didn't? Well, consider him on the table too.
(No, you don't have to take him. Sorry.)
What I meant to say is that we'll toss in the suddenly red-hot Jason Marquis.
Maybe some cash, too, if the you go for that kind of thing.
You want the naming rights to Wrigley Field?
You got it--it's Brian Roberts Field.
So anyway...you think we can do this thing?
Really?
Great!
Oh, I almost forgot: What position do you play again?
Any chance that you can pitch? Because it suddenly seems that we're missing four pitchers.