...is not pronounced:
"**** you-do-me."
His name is pronounced:
"****ing-awesome."

Cubs
Pitching:
Good and bad.
Wood catches fire,
Howry gets lit up.
Zambrano does his thing,
And Marmol cannot be hit.
Nothing much has changed from last year...
At least no one looked worse than Gagne:
A sweaty bundle of nerves on the mound.

It's Opening Day

and the rain is coming down

at Wrigley Field

to wash

away

our

dreams.

After three years of fee-based blogging, MLBlogs are now free. Expect the MLBlogosphere to explode in size! The new Movable Type interface is incredibly easy for novice users to set up a new blog and begin posting to it immediately. For existing users, subscriptions are being refunded.

The new free interface is not without its downside, however: The changeover to the new platform occurred with little advance warning over Opening Day weekend, leaving MLBloggers in the dark for approximately 60 hours (a "seventh inning stretch" according to MLB.com's customer service). Advanced functionality has also been disabled in the new iteration, including the popular sidebar customization. Some MLBloggers, such as Diamondhacks, have jumped ship--at least temporarily: "After three years of networking and crosslinking on MLBlogs and building a small but loyal readership, the only way anyone can now find me on this grand network is by googling Diamondhacks."

In my opinion, the upsides (did I mention that MLBlogs are now FREE?) outweigh any downsides. One of the best new features is the MLBlogs highlight on MLB.com's main page. On any given day, a quote from your blog could be excerpted and put on display for 10 million users. How cool is that?

The Cubs have hired White Sox groundskeeper Roger Bossard to refurbish Wrigley Field's aging field in time for Opening Day 2008. Besides resodding the grass and upgrading the rain drainage system, could Bossard's work give the Cubs a little extra homefield advantage? "'If the visitor's bullpen mound is not the same as the main mound, say it's just an inch off as far as the drop, it literally might take the opposing pitcher three batters, four batters, maybe an inning to adjust to the drop,' he told Chicago Public Radio last year. 'Now, once again, I would never do anything like this. These are things that I've heard of.'" You can read the rest of Mike Thomas's interview, including his thoughts on the crosstown rivalry, online here.

One bad pitch isn't game over.

Find your zen, my man.

Or, as Yoda said:

"Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they.

"If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

"Consume you it will."

Did anyone else wake up at 5am this morning to catch the first pitch of the season from Japan? MLB.TV users across the blogosphere are reporting errors with MLB.TV's website, including incorrect blackout restrictions. According to MLB.com's main page, I'm invited to "watch" the Red Sox vs. A's. However, MLB.TV tells me that Iowa is in the blackout area for both of the ballclubs. Gameday audio? "Down for maintenance." Other users across the United States are reporting similar errors. Thankfully, I was able to catch the game on ESPN2. Hopefully MLB can resolve its website issues soon--MLB.TV is an incredible value, and I'm looking forward to the improved "premium" streaming this year.

Ex-Cubs pitcher Mark Prior told MLB.com's Carrie Muskrat that he "enjoyed playing in Chicago and [has] a lot of great memories there." I think Cubs fans have a lot of memories of Mark Prior. Sadly, most of those memories don't involve him actually playing baseball.
Muskrat's been reporting for the Cubs for a few years, and her Mark Prior articles deserve a spot in the "Best American Science Writing" series. Take this gem from her most recent story: "Prior is coming back from arthroscopic surgery on his right shoulder, which he had last April. The procedure, performed by Dr. James Andrews, included a debridement of his right rotator cuff as well as repairing the labral and capsular injuries."

"The Kerry Wood Chronicles Pt. 127" by Andrew Shaffer
We want to believe,
But we've given up all hope.
One more chance--that's it.

"Welcome Back to the Rotation, Jason Marquis" by Andrew Shaffer
Lou played hard to get,
But springtime is in the air.
Please, no make-up sex.

The San Diego Union Tribune has an update on Brian Giles, the San Diego Padres outfielder who fought the wall--and the wall won. "Troubled through 80 percent of last season by a knee he damaged severely in a collision with the right-field wall at Wrigley Field in April, Giles had career lows of 13 homers and 51 RBI while playing in just 121 games." He's finally back to 100% and ready for opening day, but I expect that he'll exercise a little caution when running down balls the next time he visits the Friendly Confines.

"Kerry Wood's Back Hurts Again: A Poem" by Andrew Shaffer

What.

The.

Hell.

"Cubs Haiku 3/18/08" by Andrew Shaffer

Wow, Jason Marquis--

You pitch another beauty!

Too little, too late.

Northwest Indiana's Post-Tribune has an article on left-handed reliever Carmen Pignatiello. "If a second lefty wants to grab a spot, that's fine with me. But we're not necessarily looking for a second lefty [besides Scott Eyre]," Piniella told the Chicago Tribune. Although Pignatiello will likely start the season in Des Moines, we can expect him to be up for the occassional cup of coffee in 2008 where he may share the pen with fellow lefties Eyre and Neal Cotts. Pignatiello, whose spring numbers have surpassed those of Eyre and Cotts, could see his role expanded in 2009. "Scott Eyre is in the last year of his [three-year $11 million] contract," Hendry said. Pignatiello enters 2008 with a 49-46 and 3.67 ERA in seven minor league seasons.

"Brian Roberts" by Andrew Shaffer
We like it when you play tough to get.
We've already put Jose Ceda, Sean Gallagher, and Donald Veal on the block for you.
Yes, those are the Cubs' three top pitching prospects.
I know, that doesn't seem like enough, does it? Did I mention Ronny Cedeno?
Oh, I didn't? Well, consider him on the table too.
(No, you don't have to take him. Sorry.)
What I meant to say is that we'll toss in the suddenly red-hot Jason Marquis.
Maybe some cash, too, if the you go for that kind of thing.
You want the naming rights to Wrigley Field?
You got it--it's Brian Roberts Field.
So anyway...you think we can do this thing?
Really?
Great!
Oh, I almost forgot: What position do you play again?
Any chance that you can pitch? Because it suddenly seems that we're missing four pitchers.

According to Eternal Image, "For many baseball fans, rooting for that special team was a lifelong commitment." Although marriage may be until "death do you part," don't let your death come between you and the Chicago Cubs!

The Chicago Cubs cremation urn is hand-designed using die-cast aluminum with proprietary clear coat finish and sits atop a home plate-shaped base outlined in black. Each also features a baseball display dome at the top in which a favorite collectible baseball can be displayed. The urn comes with a baseball, which the purchaser or family can replace with a special ball from their own collection.

Available from Eternal Image for only $799.

"Cubs Haiku 3/16/08" by Andrew Shaffer

Carlos Zambrano:
Better average than Lee.
Can he play first base?

"Cubs Haiku 3/15/08" by Andrew Shaffer

Cubs are six and twelve;

Spring training is meaningless.

But fingers are crossed.

"Cubs Haiku 3/14/08" by Andrew Shaffer

Dempster serves up six

In one and two-thirds innings.

So what else is new?

"Cubs Haiku 3/13/08" by Andrew Shaffer

Jason Marquis: two hits,

Two walks, four scoreless innings.

Good enough for Lou?

The Chicago Tribune reports that "the documentary will not be made 'observational' style, so you won't get to see players [...] filing into the clubhouse after a heartbreaking loss." While the film crew will have access to nine current players throughout the 2008 season, the film will balance its coverage between the Cubs and the city of Chicago. As the Tribune spins it, producer and director John Scheinfeld will "delve deeply into the psyches of the city and its famously inept franchise."

The working title of the film is "We Believe." If the title sounds familiar, it's because it's similar to the title of director Paul Doyle Jr.'s 2003 Red Sox documentary: "Still, We Believe." The Red Sox didn't go all the way that year, but Doyle turned out a raucously entertaining film nonetheless. "Still, We Believe" captured the frustrations and anguish of Red Sox Nation on tape just in time for Boston to erase it all with their 2004 World Series win.

Let's hope that "We Believe" can provide the same sort of exorcism for Chicago. Scheinfeld would rather it come sooner than later, of course: "We are setting it against the landscape of this season for the Cubs," he said, "[and] the icing on the cake would be if they win the World Series this year."

The satirical Onion website has a painfully funny article about former Cubs pitcher Mark Prior. The article states that "Padres pitcher Mark Prior informed teammates Monday that he just has to pop in to the hospital for 'one quick sec' to have Tommy John connective tissue reconstruction surgery performed on his right arm." While Onion roasts Prior every spring, it's still a shocker to see Mark Prior's name associated with a ballclub other than the Cubs. It's just another sign that the Sosa/Wood/Prior Cubs era that reached its pinnacle in 2003 has officially run its course.

After a quiet off-season in which the Yankees renewed veteran players' contracts instead of brokering blockbuster deals, General Manager Brian Cashman has once again pulled out the checkbook. His latest signing? Sixty-year old comedian and actor Billy Crystal. Crystal signed a one-day minor league contract and will bat against the Pittsburgh Pirates this Thursday, in honor of his 60th birthday.

Crystal isn't the first celebrity to wear a gold-plated cup onto the baseball diamond. Country musician Garth Brooks generated headlines in 1999 and 2000, when he signed deals with the San Diego Padres and the New York Mets, respectively. At the time, Mets GM Steve Phillips said, "We are part of the entertainment industry, and I think this will add some excitement to our spring."

It's open to debate whether sports are part of the entertainment industry or not, and some fans and sports commentators have objected to the Crystal signing. I tend to agree with Pittsburgh manager John Russell, however, who said that, "[Billy Crystal has] been a big ambassador for baseball... I have no qualms about it whatsoever." Hey, Red Sox GM Theo Epstein: I hear that Stephen King turns 60 this September...

...and they might need the ACLU to do it.

According to an MLB.com story by beat writer Carrie Muskrat, "team chairman Crane Kenney said on Friday that it is likely [that the Cubs] will sell [naming rights to Wrigley Field." The article cites other stadiums that have been re-named, such as the Cleveland Indians' "Progressive Field" and the New York Mets' new "Citi Field."

Despite the uproar of many fans, this wouldn't be the first name change for the historic ballpark. According to Wikipedia, "it was built in 1914 as Weegham Park... It was also called Cubs Park from 1920 to 1926 before finally being renamed for then-Cubs team owner and chewing gum industrialist William Wrigley Jr." For more than 80 years, the Wrigley corporation has been receiving free publicity--if only in the minds of the current Cubs owners, the Tribune Company.

One thing is certain: The Wrigley Field marquee will remain, as it has been protected as a landmark by the Chicago city council. Team chairman Kenney doesn't think that poses much of a hurdle in the Tribune Company's plans to rename the field: The "structure" of the marquee will remain, but he believes that ownership reserves the right to alter the wording. "We believe the First Amendment protects what letters we write on the marquee," Kenney told MLB.com. If the Chicago city council attempts to block the Tribune Company's actions, expect the ACLU to step in.

Meanwhile, the Yankees' new stadium will be called: "Yankee Stadium." "[It's] the cathedral of baseball and would be unseemly for a naming rights deal," the Yankees' president Randy Levine said in a recent interview. Is it too soon to declare the Cubs the new "Evil Empire"?

Sources: MLB.com; Wikipedia.com.